I just started it, but I’ve had the idea in my head for a while now. I’m so excited to write this! This is just the beginning, but you can comment/critique if you want.
“Break up?” I asked quietly, more to myself. “Break up?” I asked louder, raising my eyes to meet his.
“Charlie, please listen to me,” he begged.
“No. Why should I listen to you? I didn’t move in here just to move out six months later,” I said, getting angrier with every word.
“You know things haven’t been going well lately!” he almost yelled.
“So we just quit when things aren’t as great as they were a month ago? That’s really good to know. I’ll keep it in mind for the next relationship I’m in. That way I don’t waste my time thinking I actually loved the guy,” I said, my eyes weakening with tears.
“I love you too, I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t,”
“Very philosophical of you, Andrew. Let me know when your book is accepted into the Harvard library,” I said on my way out the door. I grabbed my tote, dropping it at first but hurriedly picking it up, then slamming the door as I left.
I wiped my face as I heard him yell my name down the hall. When I made it to the lobby of the apartment building I realized I had no where to go and barely enough money in my bag to do anything. I wasn’t about to go back up there, defeated. And I would call one of my friends, but the only ones I have here were friends with him first.
“You okay, Charlie?”
I turned around from the entrance door and see the older woman behind the desk. Jeanette. She’s around forty, married with two kids. Her eldest son is 18 like me, her youngest is just 12. She is sort of like a mother figure to me since mine is in Texas with the rest of my family. I took a deep breath and turned to walk towards her.
“I’m fine,” I lied, faking a smile.
“No, you’re not. What happened, sweetie?” she said as she poured me a cup of coffee from the counter at the side of the room.
“It’s nothing,” I said as I took the coffee. I trained myself to like black coffee when I was younger, but the coffee in our-his lobby is ridiculous.
“You know that part of my job is to give advice to those who will let me, so tell me what’s up,” she said, returning to the main counter with me.
“Andrew broke up with me,” I said, letting out the breath I had been holding.
She gasped and then covered her mouth. I moved around the counter to sit on a stool next to her.
“I’m sorry, sweetie. Why would he do such a thing? Every time you two walk in here you look like Romeo and Juliet.”
“I don’t know. Things have been a little shaky lately, but nothing to be this dramatic about. We’d have stupid fights like everyone else, nothing tragic.”
“Listen, anyone who breaks up with you is not worth it. You are a great girl and you deserve the best. If he can’t accept that, then you’re better off with out him,” she said matter of factly.
I gave her a half smile as I traced the outline of the security camera screen. I made it to the fourth corner when I saw him walking down the stairs. “Crap!” I whispered as I slid off the stool onto the floor. If he saw me and knew I didn’t actually leave it would mess up my whole dramatic exit.
“What are you-” Jeanette began to say when the stairway door opened.
She cleared her throat and said good evening to him. He muttered something and walked out the front entrance. I got up and thanked her for her advice. I pulled my hair out from under my scarf and grabbed my coffee. As I gave her a smile I walked out onto the streets of New York City and turned down what I hoped was the opposite way he did.
My tenses are all messed up, sorry.
Thank you. Um, it mostly is, but I’ve got the plot set in my head and there is a lot more to it. I don’t want to say it on here, though, in case someone would steal it.
I think you are a good writer with your own style, which is getting more and more unusual in America. But is the whole book going to be about a romance?
This is really good I like how she was like ” You two always look like Romeo and Juliet” (:
I think its good. As with anything, it needs some editing, but the story itself is very good. keep writing!
This story is wonderful.
your a terrific writer.